Humor Editor finds it Increasingly Difficult to be Funny


In an incident that could only be described as traumatizing, the WHS Wave’s very own humor editor, Kelsey Foster, collapsed last Tuesday when asked to publish another humorous piece for newspaper. Witnesses gathered as her body pulsated against the off-white title in Mr. Zucker’s room, 4-105.
“It was awful,” Valentina Franco, news editor and media manager, recounted, “I was the one to hold her tongue.”
The class was briefly interrupted by Foster’s sudden seizure, but immediately resumed their chattering and Youtube watching a mere 45 seconds later.
“I was worried,” Kelsie Dummett, student aid, added, “but I went back to playing “Flappy Bird” after I saw she was breathing.”
Foster was reported eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the time of the attack. The sandwich was caught by fellow student and co-editor of the school’s Geek Column, Jessica Parenti.
“I couldn’t just let the sandwich fall,” she remarked, “the crust was removed and the ratio of peanut butter and jelly was perfect.”
However, a study published by the American Chemical Society’s Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry highlighting the benefits of consuming the crust of bread includes “powerful antioxidants,” that fight cancer cells as the crust is “rich in dietary fiber” and “prevents colon cancer.”
The American Chemical Society later released an official statement stating that Foster “deserved the attack for not eating the crust,” of the sandwich.
Concerned members of the class –totaling three people –have started a fun in hopes of raising awareness of the importance of consuming the crust of bread in their mother-packed lunches.
Foster’s moral support and hand-holder, Victor Lucena, junior, took Foster to the hospital in the evening where she was reported being “healthy,” but she was disappointed in the lack of vegetarian dinner options the hospital provided. Lucena was later quoted saying that “she regrets her actions of neglect towards her health and sandwich choices.” Foster was last scene with her laptop, presumably writing another humor piece for the newspaper.