Holiday Season: Facing the Family with Full-Plated Affection (Armor)

Danny Smith, Humor Columnist

Gather round the Christmas tree, the Hanukah Bush, the “Festivus” generic plant or the non-religion affiliated TV dinner, it’s the holiday season! Saying hello to your extended family may be difficult with the influx of wrinkles, accents, or any other defining characteristics, but they’re the family. Every year, the seasons bring families closer together (often physically and mentally) or way further apart (just mentally).

The plane rides, playing 99 bottles of Eggnog on the wall (… censorship), boat rides (maybe??), or however Phileas Fogg would have done it: Getting to and from the Holid-estination may be a huge amount of work. With all the strenuous doing-nothing-but-sitting-there, it may make it nigh impossible to greet your shriveled aunt or your less-than-successful brother-in-law with a warm smile… but please don’t just pass out on the couch. These people haven’t seen each other in over a year, so try to take appreciation in how much they’re giving off the persona about caring about other people’s lives. That’s what family is all about.

The festive meal: Burnt Turkey Armageddon, stuffing hellfire-backlash and side dish apocalypse for some. While not always the case, a majority of the stress of the seasons can be a direct result, so any precautionary measures should be taken as quickly as possible to avoid a holly-jolly smackdown. Stay helpful and at the ready to lift heavy plates for the weaker offspring. Don’t butt your way into the kitchen though; I’ve seen knives drawn over cooking the food the right way. Those were dark days.

Enjoy every single thing handed to you. Seriously, just take appreciation in the fact that somebody bought you that $15 iTunes gift card, even though you have a Zune (chances are you don’t but you see where I’m going with this, right?). Each morsel of edible holiday cheer should go from oven to plate RIGHT into your face. Whatever one celebrates, I can guarantee that the values of family, sharing, and getting really full of food are important.

Holidays are more than just about being with family, friends, loved ones, getting food and presents; Holidays are about the most important thing of them all: getting out of school.

Take pride in the holidays, no matter how one chooses to celebrate them. Winter break is awesome. That, dear friends, is undeniable.