Tank Tops Thrown under Treads of Change

Daniel Smith, Humor Columnist

Tank tops of all sorts have been banned to wear to school.

Although there have been many new rules implemented at WHS, such as 6 minute breaks, parking lot restrictions, and being allowed to get 100 points of extra credit if you don’t hear about it from the school newspaper somehow (haha I ruined it for you), the most infamous of said rules has been imposed on student attire. Originally standing out as one of the more unique schools in the county, the “specially snowflake” once known as WHS has meshed with the hive-mind of the county, which isn’t necessarily bad.

The irony of the situation is this: the kids who actually WORE tank tops knew that they couldn’t wear them and the kids who didn’t wear tank tops wouldn’t wear a tank top in the first place.

It would seem that the obvious culprit for this would be women. However, according to the Principal, Mr. Crocetti, young men played a huge role in getting “T Tops” (cool kid words) banned. Wearing wife beaters, a form of a thin, cheap tank top, was considered to be “underwear.” I understood when hearing about this as I wasn’t allowed to wear my underwear on my head or over my chest either, so I feel as though the school system has been determined to keep comfortable, poorly made clothing down for as long as school has existed.

The rules are there to stay. Stuck like glue.

And, unlike the rebellious angsty teens that we all want to say that we are because high school movies, we can’t bend the rule. We can’t Bend It Like Beckham, bend it like a bendy straw, or bend like Bendadict Arnold. Granted, that last pun was terrible, but the fact that you’re still reading deserves commendations. I award you 1 gold star. Get 10 to trade in for a waiver to wear a Tank Top for one day.*

The changes in the bell schedule’s shortening and polyester policies lead up to some pretty serious issues. Every new amendment and addendum is based around time or clothing. People usually go to school to get an education and whatnot, so why not take changes of learnifying the students to read good more better? If you understood that sentence, either context clues have been taught to you well, or you write as goodly as I does. The county should most likely be interested in their fledgling freshmen wiggling around to classes that give them better education, rather than said kids writhing over the course of six minutes through a crowded hall and trying to avoid getting detention because of their shirts.

While no uproar or uprising has been instated or incited (so many words to pick from) about these changes in school policy, the change of being required to maintain sleeves and covered up shoulders is negative in the mind of the student. To ensure these changes from taking place again in something similar (5.82 minutes between classes and no pants with the word Juicy on them), kids should avoid making a scene about their rights.

For the future of our student body, as well as the shoulders on the student body’s bodies, keep your eyes in the books and off the scapula’s of the kids around us. Even if they are nice. Which they are.

*Warning, doesn’t work.